Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Hurting People

Hurting People........ Hurt People.

They don't mean to. They are just hurting so bad it is hard to be nice to others, hard to see the good in people.
They have a choice when they are hurting, to either fall apart and let themselves cry and be vulnerable, or to become hard, cynical, and negative. They can choose to let people in, or keep people out. Healing, or continue hurting.
For some, it feels safer to keep up walls up, and protect themselves, rather than let anyone else know they are hurting. They may appear to have it all together, or may appear to be stand-offish, or snobby, but inside they are lonely, hurting people.

For others, who are able to let themselves be vulnerable, and share their hurts, there is love, understanding, support, and healing. There is growth. They are able to take what they learn and help others when they are hurting. They are more sensitive to others, because they have felt the pain themselves.

This is something to consider the next time you are hurt. Did the other person really mean to hurt you? Or were they just in their own pain and could not see the love and good around them.

And, how about next time you are hurting? Will you put up walls to protect yourself? Or will you let people in who will love and support you?

Blessings on your day, whatever it brings.
Barbara Jean

10 comments:

Vanessa said...

Hello Barb, that just heppened yesterday. I got hurt by somebody but I'm guessing she was on her own pain. Thanks for sharring this thoughts. Have a great day!

Barb said...

Vanessa,
I'm so sorry you were hurt.
Knowing she was probably in her own pain does not make your hurt any less, but I hope it will at least speed up the healing process. And it is a process.

Blessings,
Barbara Jean

Anonymous said...

such very good advise will try to do that always
LUV
Pam

A Stitch In Thyme said...

I still have to remind myself of this lesson as hurt comes to me. I was angry the other day by all of the useless killings, kidnappings and disasters and used a cuss word on a blog. I realized later I took the easier path in choosing one word to describe rather than to teach through explanation of feelings. Obviously the post was probably removed or not as it wasn't terrible at all... you know like a dam over a bridge.... *wink*... but suffice,, I was hurt and had no one to talk to about it. I am learning to live with PTSD and sometimes it is hard to properly interpret others words. I often find myself saying to the person, "i know you probably didn't mean to hurt me but...." It usually works to solve any questions about intent.

Wonderful post.

Sheri said...

So true! It's so hard to forget sometimes that people who hurt others, are usually hurting themselves inside. Hurt people hurt others. I need to remember to be kinder to people too! Thanks for that gentle reminder.
Hugs!
Sheri

Barb said...

Sheri,
Thank you for your comments and that you are using this as ' a gentle reminder to be kinder to people.'

I do hope that those who have hurt others will take it to heart and take responsibility for their actions. Their intent may have been good, but how they go about it is not always the best way.

You are sensitive about not hurting people, and that is a great thing. =0)

Blessings,
Barbara Jean

Barb said...

To a stitch in time:

I am sorry to hear of your PTSD.
That, or bi-polar, or depression, are all diseases that make us very sensitive to things that are said to us.
And, no matter what the intent is
of the other person, there is pain when things are not presented in a kind way.

The 'I know you didn't mean to hurt me but...' is a good question. Someone else also shared with me this to say: "Why do you feel the need to talk to me that way?" It makes the other person stop and think; Are their motives to help someone else? or just to vent their own hurts?

I am blessed to have friends who support me through various things in my life, and I hope you find a friend to talk also.

Blessings, and thank you for sharing,
Barbara |Jean

Marianna said...

I just clicked through from a link on a blog I visited for the first time today. All this to say that I, but more importantly my husband, really needed to read these words today. We have family members going through a very difficult situation with one of their children and they have completely shut everyone out. It is very hurtful to have your care and concern rebuffed. Going forward I will remind myself before interacting with them that "hurting people...hurt."

Thank you

Sheila R said...

Barb, thanks for those words. I have a friend hurting and she has shut me out completely... and it hurts. I have been trying to nurture our friendship. I can only hope that when her hurt is better she will know I was always there.

Barb said...

Sheila,
Thanks for sharing that, and I am sorry for your friend's hurt, and for yours.

I am not a counselor by any means. I just share what i have learned through my own trials (and errors).

Having been on both ends of hurts, I will tell you, hang in there and keep trying with your friend!
I was having a rough time some years ago, and shut out people, but now I remember the ones who interrupted my gloomy days, kept trying to get me out and about, and sent loving motes that meant nothing to me at the time.
Those are the people that, after the whole thing and I felt better, I knew cared enough to keep risking with me.

Hang in there. Good friends are worth fighting for.

Blessings on your day.

Barbra Jean