I'm beginning to understand that life really is a roller coaster, and that it is OK for it to be that way.
I have tried for years to get to a place of a "high evenness" or 'consistency', or level of joy, for lack of a better way to put it.....
Trying to avoid the low times, and just coast along on a cloud of loveliness.
Finding that level of highness, especially being bi-polar, and staying there, has been an often frustrating, and seemingly impossible task.
I certainly did think that as a Christian, who knows and loves the Lord, that the high level should and could be reached.
And not just reached, but able to stay there. Always that mountain top feeling. Always that peace....that joy....
But what I am discovering now..... is that reaching that level and staying there is quite difficult, and....maybe even impossible, in this frail human body, with these human emotions, and on this temporary home called earth, where we live with other frail and imperfect humans.
Having said all that, I will share what I have learned, especially of late.
I have learned that I have boxed up a lifetime of emotion that I thought was not right to feel.
I have learned I am not the only one who has had all these emotions.
I have learned it is impossible to float along on a wonderful cloud of joyfulness.
I have learned that God cares about each and every feeling we have, good, bad. happy, sad.
They are all OK.
It is what we do with them that counts.
Knowing that God loves me, no matter how I am feeling, has been a great blessing to me.
I have found, that the more I let myself feel the sad of hurts....the more I let my self cry before the Lord, and pour out my heart to Him, the more He sets me free to feel His joy.... I am able to see His beauty all around me, and know His peace....and share His love with others.
I may have days of struggles, hurts, tears, pain, but I can pour my heart out to Him. I know my God, who hears every word, who cares about every part of me, will turn my mourning into dancing. He will use what has caused me pain to help me grow. And more than anything, I want to grow. I want to hear His words someday: "Well done good and faithful servant."
blessings
barb
5 comments:
What a wonderful post sweet, sweet friend...thank you so much for your honesty. We all have our battles and struggle with this I think, some more than others. But I love the truth that our weaknesses can prove His strength and love for us all ~ thank you so much dear Barb. Sending you hugs and much love, Dawn
Dear Barbara Jean,
I am so glad you are back to writing on your personal blog. Your honest sharing of your thoughts and life has meant a great deal to me. You often speak of something that hits home with me, and many times has helped me through some of my more trying times. I feel grateful and most certainly blessed to now know you in person. So, welcome back. You have been missed.
Barb I think the church has done a poor job of communicating just what the Christian life is about. I too thought There should be a point where I reach this supreme joy and contentment- but then as I have grown in my walk with Jesus He showed me that if there really was some sort of even keel- joyful all the time state- would we really see our need of Him- would we take him for granted and forget about him for days on end because everything is going fine? I have been listening to a wonderful teaching on the beatitudes and Stephen shares that the beatitudes is the life we enter when we come to know HIm as Saviour and Lord. The first one is our language would say something like this- Woo Hoo- Congratulations poor in spirit for yours is the Kingdom of Heaven. It is only when we walk and embrace our total dependence on him that the Kingdom flow to and through us. I am finding myself saying "Woo Hoo poor in Spirit " many times a day now and it is somehow a blessing and relief to be reminded I am totally dependent on HIM!
beeblessed
mary
Amen. Great post, Barbara Jean. To me, the real joy of being a Christian is knowing I'm not perfect, but I know the one who is. We have highs and lows. I was having one of those low days today. Relief and peace came when I admitted, out loud, that I couldn't do it myself. The Lord stepped in, and all is well now.
Thanks so much for sharing my page. I love you instantly girl .. YOUR spirit is a beam of light that this world needs. I am most happy that I have made such a sweet new friend. I will be featuring you on my blog too very soon.. Thanks soooooooo much for blessing me ..........
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