Thursday, January 15, 2009

Blowing it.

I wrote a very nice blog yesterday, and fully intended to apply it to myself.

Did I? Well, is 2 out of 4 OK? Oh, actually it was only 1 out of 4. Hmmm.

I did keep my love for others. I was pleasant and friendly to all I met. It took no effort at all to do that.
But as far as the dreams, rest, and peace? I don't think so.

What I did was replace one kind of busyness (physical labo and work at the shop), with another.
I had commitments for the day; take my granddaughter to French class, and meet a friend I don't see often, but the rest of the day I could choose to do whatever I wanted.
Did I go finish cleaning up at the shop? Did I do much needed house work, or buy groceries?
Did I sit at Jesus feet? Did I give Him a chance to speak to my heart? Did I rest in Him?
NO. I wandered the thrift stores looking for things for the store.

Now I have a list of reasons to justify doing that, which i won't waste time listing.
Bottom line, it was an escape. From what? I'm not sure.
Lingering pain from our loss?
My lack, in several areas, of self control right now? (Too much computer time, and not taking care of other responsibilities?) Is this all to keep busy so I don't feel whatever is inside?

I have asked for prayer before, but just can't seem to overcome it.

This post may seem kind of scattered, and probably not one of the most encouraging ways you have had to start your day.
But, that is how I feel right now. I'm baring my soul to my friends in blog land.
Thank you for listening.

Blessings on your day, and hope you do a better job at resting, listening, and having peace than I am doing.

Barbara Jean

1 comment:

ksarra said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings, your honesty is so refreshing. I think the questions you are asking yourself is the first step in finding the answers you seek. "Talk" soon.