Maybe some of you may have noticed, that I have not been posting much on this blog.
I have not been sharing my morning walks with God lately.
How do I explain that?
What can I say that will communicate with you why I have not been on here,
sharing what God has been speaking to my heart.
How can I explain that I have time for my other blogs, but not this one?
I have a list of excuses.
I'm taking inventory, my first ever counted inventory at the store.
We are changing to a computer system at the store.
I'ts tax time. Always extra bookwork then.
I've been spending a great deal of time visiting with my parents.
I want to see my Dad as much as I can while he still knows who I am.
And I want to be there to encourage and support my
Mom through this journey of Alzheimers.
I was sick, and depressed, over the holidays.
Obviously I cannot walk when I have the flu.
My morning walks with God are usually a wonderful time
of insights and drawing near to Him.
So, now I am walking again.
What is my excuse?
Is it that my mind is on inventory, and on my Dad?
Maybe it is because if I let God close enough to speak to my heart right now,
close enough to let Him touch me, I will fall apart.
All the pressures and pain will come gushing out and I will dissolve
in the puddle of tears I try so hard to keep down.
Maybe keeping busy is better than feeling everything I would feel right now.
The pain of watching my Dad go downhill.
The pain of friends who are also going through tough things.
The fear of having it myself.
We went to our first of 10 classes at the Alzheimer care center today.
It is hard to see where some of the patients are at.
To know that my Dad will be the same way.
I can be busy with other things, and have somewhat of a break at times.
Blogland and the store are wonderful for that.
But having family, someone you love so much, and seeing them slowly drift way,
makes you realize how unimportant other things are.
Like a store, and how much inventory there is,
or how to make another cute display, or get a few more wonderful
treasures made, or getting taxes done.
So, besides taking inventory at the store,
I am trying to take inventory of myself,
over come the fears that I am already starting down the road my Dad is on,
and figure out just how to stay close and hear My Savior.
I have not figured that out yet.
Lord, teach me how to rest in you.
Thank you for hearing my heart today.