Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I'm seeing color again
I'm seeing color again.
For some time I have felt like I was under a cloud that was sucking the life out of me. As hard as I tried to focus on the Lord, it was like I just couldn't connect with Him. I either felt nothing, or felt like crying. I was going through the motions of life, but there was no joy.
Well, every moment was not like that, but the times of joy were fleeting. My grandchildren: they bring me joy. My sweet fella brings me joy. Serving others at the store brought me joy. But all in fleeting moments.
Anxiety overwhelmed me every morning when I got up, but waned as the day went on. Busyness would fill the spots where emptiness seemed to loom. But it only covered it up.
And the things that would usually cover it up no longer did it as well.
I prayed, I asked friends to pray. Still, some underlying darkness prevailed in my quiet moments.
Well, yesterday, and today I felt better. I felt like the cloud was lifting. I saw color again. I saw flowers instead of weeds. I saw the brightness of all God's creation around me. I saw hope.
Is there a secret, instant answer to how this happened? Did I do one certain thing that made yesterday and today better? No. I wish there was. I wish I could say to those of you who feel the same as I did, "do this, and it will all go away. Do that, and it will get better." But there isn't.
Saying to 'persevere', to 'hang in there', is easy to say, hard to do. But, we must do it.
We must continue to be willing to be healed, shaped, formed, loved.
I persevered. With the help of friends, I hung in there, although some days I slept extra, I watched TV more. I'm still here.
We must continue to cry out to God with out heartaches, our loneliness, our hurts. We must continue to praise and thank Him, even when we do not feel a thing when we say it. We must continue to have friends pray for us, even when we fear they are sick of hearing it. That is the enemy. He is a liar!! We are here to support each other in times of need. And we all have seasons when we need help. We need each other!
God knows our hearts. He knows our desire to please Him. He knows our desire to be whole, and healed. He is there, and willing. He is reaching out. He sees us as a blooming, and beautiful flower.
He rejoices over us with singing. He loves us.
Can you, will you, reach out to Him? Can you go just one more day? One more mile? One more step? YES. YOU CAN!!! YOU HAVE THE POWER OF THE RISEN LORD IN YOU!
God's blessings and peace as you walk with Him.