Thursday, March 5, 2009

Thankful Thursday

No time for a Tablescape this week,
but always time to give thanks.

I guess, because of certain current events, seeing hurting couples in their marriages, my thoughts of thankfulness end up being in that direction this week.

Like most couples, Scott and i have had our rough years, and it seemed, from my perspective, there were a lot of them. Years when i felt alone, unimportant, unloved, and became very depressed. i lost hope of things ever changing.
I built up huge walls of protection around myself, hoping not to be hurt any more. That only put me further away in my loneliness, and depression.

I kept thinking if Scott would just change i would be happy. I prayed that the Lord would change him, and in the meantime i saw counselors to try to figure out why i felt so alone, and fix it. I saw things he should be doing, and wasn't. I also knew things i should be doing to love him, but I was too hurt to do them. I would say to the Lord, "what about my needs? Whose going to take care of me?"

It wasn't until i realized that it was me who needed to change, not Scott, and that only God can meet my needs, that things began to turn around. It's like I was in the way of anything God wanted to do in my husband, or me.
So, I started trying to get out of the way. It was hard, and i can't even tell you now how it started, but, thank you Lord, it did.

We have, over these past few years, grown so much. We have both changed, incredibly.
We have learned the differences in how our brains work. How we see and feel things so differently. we see that we can't meet all of each others needs.
That our significance and security does not come from our spouse, but from God.
He can met all our needs.

That the goal is marriage, or any relationship, is not to be happy, but to grow into His likeness, and grow together in oneness with Him and each other.

What i saw, over a long period of time, was a transforming, of both of us. And we are still being transformed, still changing, and yes, we even still have trouble sometimes. It is all part of this process called life.

This may seem odd to hear, and I even find myself a bit surprised to say it, but i am grateful for those times now.

I am thankful:

That God opened my blind eyes to see His plan.

I'm grateful God pulled us through those times.

I'm grateful for the way we enjoy each other now.

I'm grateful that our goal is not just to be happy,
but to help each other grow in whatever we do.

I'm grateful for a God who knows us better than we know ourselves and wants the best for us, even when we don't know what that is sometimes.

I'm glad to know He will be with us when we hit walls again. (and we will. that's life!)

And I'm grateful for any way he can use us, to share with others, and help them through their hard times.

We go through hard things, not to hide in shame behind a dark curtain, but to help others.

I hope my sharing has helped someone out there not feel as alone, and that you will reach out and ask for help, and support. That you will take a risk, take down some walls, and let love in.

We need to be there for each other.

Blessings on Thankful Thursday!!

Barbara Jean


Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

What an awesome testimony Barb!
God bless you and your beloved!
Your transparency here is A TRUE BLESSING! Talk about "words of wisdom!"
Your light so shines my friend!

Deborah@ The Painted Nest said...

Beautifully said, sweet Barb, We are all in this process of transformation~~~being conformed into HIS LIKENESS~~~but when we come to the end of OURSELVES~~HE (our loving Lord Jesus) is there!!! I SO WANT TO BE LIKE HIM !!IN EVERY WAY~~AND THAT SAME BEAUTY WOULD SHINE THROUGH ME AND MY LIFE !! THANK-YOU, Deborah

momstheword said...

Awesome post! It just seems like we all have this expectation that we have a "right" to be happy, and happy means getting our way.

When we submit to the Lord (and to our husbands in our marriage) then God can do a work in us and happiness comes. Because happiness is not found in ourselves or in our spouse but in the Lord!

Our first year of marriage we fought alot and though I was happy, I wasn't happy when I wasn't getting my way, lol!

Yes about the verse. I can't remember the reference but I do love it as it reminds me that when I am serving my family or others I am serving Him!

Carolyne said...

What an awesome God we have......and you have been so transparent in sharing this part of your life. It is not coincidence then, that has connected you and I.
Your openness is so true and kind I just *know* you will be a Blessing to many that you meet as you minister in your own fellowship and here in blogland.
loving ((hugs))~
your sister in Him, who first loved us,